Support for Those Feeling Trapped in Controlling Relationships

This article has resources and insights to help you reconsider a relationship with signs of coercive behavior.

This is an unusual post for me. Coercive behavior in “romantic” relationships is all too common and the early warning signs can be missed. Situations like Stephanie’s in the below article have come up in my client work over the years. Heartbreaking stories.

Cheers to Stephanie and her healing process and to anyone trying to explore their options in controlling, suppressive relationships.

Most communities have resources to help ~ reach out to them.

And if you are involved with someone showing any signs of coercion, love yourself enough to reconsider the relationship. Controlling types are too eff-ing good at making things sticky, so it feels impossible to leave. Don’t wait till it gets worse.

For those of us in healthy, loving relationships, it may feel impossible to relate to these situations. Offer compassion. Love truly can be blind, only seeing the best in another person. And beings caught in these trapped situations deserve our love. But, like addiction situations, there is only so much that a supporter can do.

I wish addictive drugs weren’t so good at taking over people’s lives. And I wish controlling types of people weren’t so masterful at taking over people’s lives. The patterns between these two are eerily similar. One is an addictive drug. One is a disturbed person, with just enough charisma and charm to ensnare their victims. This can happen in non-romantic (business, friendships, family, etc.) relationships, too.

For those who may feel susceptible to controlling types, one new method of discernment may help:
Ask yourself, would you *ever* treat someone the way you were/are treated? If the answer is no, step back, *don’t rationalize*, don’t justify, get help, listen to that help, *do not defend your abuser*.

Stephanie in the article at one point says to the court, “I know it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let this happen.” Could Stephanie have noticed things earlier and possibly never moved in with Jonathan? Yes, but *Jonathan’s actions* are at fault, deemed by the court criminal, not Stephanie’s.

We don’t all live in areas where actions like Jonathan’s are crimes, let alone prosecuted.

> This makes it extra important to be slow and cautious in relationships. < If you feel rushed to move in together, pressured to get together intimately, rushed to join a business deal, then you are already seeing the warning signs of a controlling temperament. Think I’m only talking about male predators? Nope. Guys can just as easily be the unfortunate prey to controlling, manipulative predators. Predators can definitely be female. And men can feel just as trapped. Every controlling situation is distinct, very sticky, and incredibly difficult to escape from. In my client situations like this, most who do escape, walk away from so much of what is rightfully theirs (homes, land, money, heirlooms, beloved pets) for the hope of their freedom. > Controlling energies are very much like predators looking for prey. <

Predators lie ~ including to themselves…

To better understand the consciousness involved in acting very much like darkness, (narcissism, gas lighting, scammers, sociopathy and even psychopathy) I recommend:
* Napoleon Hill’s “Outwitting the Devil” (book is linked here) and
* The free podcast series “Outwitting Wetiko.” (podcast is linked here)
For kind people and those with pure hearts, these resources may be the only way to recognize predatory relationships, whether they be abusive relationships or even scam “business” or “investment” opportunities.

Link to article about Stephanie’s case against Jonathan is at https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11936743/Boyfriend-mocked-girlfriend-used-camera-spy-convicted-coercive-behaviour.html?fbclid=IwAR3E_Qiwb6QNF_eebz00kJBZkKknHqX65HHd3QR_wS2aPLVDYSBoXfBkjsY. In my opinion, the article’s reporter did a good job laying out the details of her case.

Blessings to all
and high fives
to the good ones,
and even the great ones,
the people who know how to love healthfully, operate in well-being for all, aim for win-win situations in all aspects of life
and bring out the *best* in each other. These types may feel as rare as unicorns, but they are worth the wait. And being alone and free is better than being together but trapped with these predator types.

With love,
Jill