Energy Changes and Light Activation

An inspiring message touching on where the energies come from and what is offered to us in our personal transformations and awakening.  This was originally shared related to the upcoming to the 2020 year.  Given that some of the patterns may still be in place, felt led to restore this one and share it again.

This is a transcription of a podcast message.

Hello, everybody, this is Jill. Hello, I’m alive. It’s been a while since I did a podcast I got back from Zion and I did not plan something for you guys while I was gone and then I didn’t do anything when I got back either. So anyway, I’m here I don’t even know what podcast number we’re on. But anyway, let’s I wanted to offer something to you today again in a pre recorded format. I don’t know when and if I’ll do live again, I love doing the live events in the members group with them specific times at the month that we pick that I pick based on my calendar, but the weekly live things for some reason I’m just choosing and preferring right now, for various reasons to do the pre-record. So anyway, welcome. I’m glad that you’re here. I know some of you missed the lives but to be honest, the portion of you that were doing live was so tiny compared to those of you that were doing archive and then some felt in archive like I can’t join it that time so I feel bad. So having every everybody do it in archive just actually feels. It’s definitely easier for me because then I can do it whenever I feel like it and it’s good. I promise. I know some of you missed the live so and I’m giving you a big hug. It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay. Anyway, welcome. Let’s do a connection exercise here.

I encourage you to just let yourself feel the weight of your body. Close your eyes if you can and just take some nice slow deep belly breaths expanding your belly while you’re inhaling and another and one more here. Okay. It’s amazing how just doing that feels so differently, right? It’s really amazing, telling you being human, and there’s a lot of, there’s a lot going on in each of our lives and just the ability and the choice to just center yourself again makes such a big difference. Yeah. Okay. All right. So what do we do here? We do a lot of different things and there’s a lot of different ways to describe what I do. But basically, I have a unique way of looking at this world and at you and at me and challenges in this reality and opportunities in this reality. I just, I’ve learned enough. I’ve heard enough feedback over the years that I offered a very different perspective and then for some people, it’s an affirming confirming perspective of maybe something they’ve heard before, but maybe we put it in a slightly different way. Or maybe it’s just satisfying to hear what you’ve been thinking about. hear someone else say that okay. Anyway, yeah. Okay. So what are we going to talk about today? I want to talk about loneliness. Okay, because that comes up a lot in our work and things I hear from you guys online when I am online, I’m not online that much anymore and I just feel like a message for that would be really helpful. Okay, because I know loneliness affects a lot of us and for a lot of different reasons.

So like we like to do, we’ll come at it from a whole bunch of different angles, okay. Okay, here we go. Okay, so I, for those of you that don’t know me, I don’t have anything prepared. I’m not reading anything. I’m just sort of on the fly feeling divine inspiration for who would benefit from what type of information and wisdom and insights and encouragement related to the concept of loneliness and isolation, okay. All right. All of us face loneliness to one degree or another at one point in our lives or another. What I have found though, is that those that tend to even find my work, there’s a different flavor of the loneliness that we feel, which is this sense of, I don’t fit in here in this world, it feels like I got off on the wrong stop. So that part of our loneliness is can be really, really just hard to face and I have created ways as Jill to be able to sort of manage that in a very satisfying way. I’m able to get out of bed every day and get my get, you know, life done. Get my day done and take care of myself and offer something of value I hope to others and take care of my family and things like that. So I’m a high functioning person that yes, I resonate with this part of you that may feel like, God, I just don’t even fit in here.

You’re right, there is a lot of differentiation between you and what maybe most humans, I would say maybe that the average human is experiencing and how you feel very out of place and the way you look at this world is sort of like what’s wrong with people? What’s wrong with the human race right now? Most people don’t walk around thinking like that. Most people don’t, you know, consider the human race and look at it in such a global. They’re not even they don’t even have the most people seem to not be wired in a way where they can look at the human race in general and say, I have concerns. Right? As if it’s a part of you that isn’t part of the human race. That’s the strange part of the voice, isn’t it is that there’s a part of your inner sense sense of perspective that remembers that part of you as maybe a soul self or part of you that’s beyond this reality that you’re more than, than this human that you’re more than the human race, and that you have a sense of self that is beyond your humaneness. That is not normal. That doesn’t mean it’s crazy to mean there’s it’s not normal versus crazy. It’s normal versus super normal or supernatural or very unusual or very unique. But I know some of us just it’s sort of like it probably would feel like a like a break to feel normal and not have that context.

Because if you it’s sort of like ignorance is bliss, right? So there’s it almost perpetuates the sense of loneliness that you may feel when you have that sense of Oh my God, like what the fudge is going on in this world? and yet, you feel very human at the same time just going Oh shit, I’m part of the human race. Oh God, right. So that loneliness of I don’t fit in here can successfully by monitoring your thoughts, noticing how much of a pity party you like to have every day for yourself and what kind of victimology you’re sort of running, in your sense of, it’s always harder for me because I don’t fit in here, you know, sort of storyline which is very victimizing of you. Right? It’s, it’s not that you’re not right. It’s that it’s not very productive or helpful to walk around with that sort of storyline going on at every day. Okay. So another way of looking at it is I don’t fit in here, like I don’t fit in with hate and war and famine and manipulation and lies and overemphasis of, I don’t know, beauty, superficiality, you know, whatever in this world. I think that’s That’s a pleasant story. It’s more empowering storyline.

If nothing else, so okay, you’re unique and I mean, what do you want to do with your uniqueness versus looking for ways that this world doesn’t appreciate you, etc. That just seems like a, like a downward spiraling sort of approach. Okay? So I recognized for myself as Jill, that I don’t exactly feel normal among the humans and I embraced my humanity and I consider my humanity an opportunity to be the version of human that I want to be and then I just sort of keep myself busy with that. I mean, that is a big task. If you really think about it, if you stop identifying with that you’re one of the many humans and you give yourself permission to just be your human because that’s true, but part of your psyche may get really really tripped up on Let’s, let’s just focus on that, shall we? Right, because that’s a big job That’s what makes a life is you being you every day one day after another and is it monotonous and boring at times on earth? Yes, it is. But there’s always another way to look at it and do what helps you feel inspired and motivated and I would really, really dial down any of the different ways that you feed, or nurture the victimized part of you, because it’s probably just like picking a scab, day after day after day.

So I would really step back maybe and take an assessment of what you consume and what you intake in your, in your entertainment and in your information etc. and what part of you is being supported The supernatural part of you that can say, Hey, I don’t fit in here, but I have permission to be my me and I’m going to be I’m going to focus on that. Or is it focusing on the part of I don’t fit in here. It’s so hard here. It’s so hard for me, right? and again, I’m not trying to dishonor the fact that it may be hard for you, I’m just as the loving sister to you in this reality wanting to encourage you that there’s another opportunity that you have with those same thoughts of, okay, it’s harder for you. I mean, then work harder. I don’t know. But asking just, you know, feeling like you’re, you know, lying in the prone position of victimology of. There’s nothing I can do about it. That’s not true. I know that’s not true. But it doesn’t matter what I believe it matters what you believe. So if it were me and I were feeling super defeated and deflated and just like I just am never going to fit in here.

Who is asking you to fit in here, and now you have a list, well fuck’ em. Okay? It doesn’t matter, you matter. So put away all those different excuses for well, so and so, you know, just you to you, right and you figure out a way to be your most amazing freaking you with whatever you personally feel is an obstacle to you surviving or thriving in this reality, okay? But at some point, the excuses don’t really matter. I mean, if you really want to get beyond them anyway, if you want to stay where you are, which may be feeling really stuck and stagnated and lonely, which was the topic today, then my sense is, the excuses are not helping you, they’re keeping you where you are. You may just want to see if you can prove me wrong or maybe prove me right, by experimenting with another way of being yourself. Okay. So that’s one version of loneliness that was that is likely to come up in my sort of usual audience. Okay, for those that are new here, though, that may feel a different version of loneliness in terms of maybe it’s more general and I just sort of nobody understands me. Yes, that happens a lot. Especially if you are a very unique individual. Maybe you’ve had tremendous success.

I just feel my heart just reaching out to you, those of you that have had tremendous success that maybe you can’t even explain, but somehow you just keep being put into like leadership positions, or, you know, accolades for you in your life and you’re sort of like, I don’t even know how I got here. But this is pretty cool. There’s a sense of isolation and loneliness that can happen for leaders, leaders of anything, leaders of companies, leaders of movements, leaders of a family, even there’s this sense of feeling, maybe underappreciated, maybe overwhelmed, and just a sense of nobody really understands what is required of me on a daily basis and I feel just sort of drained by the fact that no one understands it. Yeah. Brother, Sister, I’m just giving you a big hug. If that’s the case, because that that is really, that can get very, very tiring and you’ve probably worked extra hard to stay motivated knowing the responsibilities that are placed on your shoulders every day that you’re right. People don’t understand.

They just don’t they can’t you guys, how could they? How could a non leader understand the extra strain? stress? responsibilities? Yeah, that are asked of you every day just by the nature of your position, which probably came about by the nature of who you are. Okay. Alrighty, so, in that case, and I know we’ll we’ll come back to strategies just in general, but related to how to kind of get started with this leadership group. I would really love for you to just give yourself a moment of acknowledging that you are not understood that you’re right about that, that no one could possibly really understand you even those that are closest to you, your staff, your executive staff, if you have one may not fully understand you, your family may not understand you. Those that are part of whatever you’re leading will not understand you in in these ways, okay, so let’s just okay and you may want to be able to say out loud, I am very misunderstood and it can make me feel lonely at times. Good job. Okay. All right, just letting yourself sit in that sense of maybe a sense of emptiness for a moment. Okay. So what’s in that space? You, you alone is probably the this is the reality of it is I feel just me and it feels lonely. Yeah. Okay. All right. So what if in this sort of imaginary field of you this, maybe it’s like a ball of energy that you’re that you’re in as you as the leader, and you’re the only chair in the room and you’re the only one with a chair and it’s just you, right? and part of you is saying this is lonely and let’s just add some other kind of insights and perspectives on this.

There are reasons that you are in that leadership position that you don’t appreciate that others do. You have natural abilities and giftedness and instincts that non leaders don’t have. That’s why you probably got into the position that you’re in to begin with. You are really good at doing what you do with probably little to no supervision, little to no outside inside and you just get shit done like really well, right? Okay, so by you acknowledging that there is something, let’s use the word special, something special about you, right? and I can feel some of your like, I don’t want to feel special. I just want to get my I just want to have my head down and just keep working right? Some of you are extra humble, and you don’t want to receive praise and when I say you see you are special, then part of you sort of like the no, no, we don’t we don’t go that way. Well, why don’t you go that way, because it could actually help you feel more whole and complete in the naturally isolating role of a leader that you may have, that you were there because you are special. Now, that doesn’t mean that other people, including your team or those that those that choose to follow your lead or are employees and they’re paid to follow your lead. It doesn’t mean that other people aren’t special, and you are the only way who’s special? I’m not saying that. But what I am suggesting is that you are special in ways that most people are not. Okay, there I just felt like you accepted it, you’re like, Okay, that I can accept, Okay, good, because we weren’t saying and other people aren’t as valuable as you are.

They’re just valuable in different ways and you have a unique role as a leader, okay. What can help reduce the stain of loneliness for leaders is the sense of acknowledgement that you are special and have gifts and abilities, natural gifts and abilities that others don’t have. Because it helps your psyche literally your storyline of who and what you are, make more sense of why in your bubble, there’s only one chair and you’re the only one in it and there’s only a chair for you. Because if you really look around Most of you that are leaders, there are very few people that can do what you do, as well as you do it. I just felt a lot of you to say that’s true. Okay, that’s what we’re talking about. So because of the fact that you have a role to play in this world as you that very few people could do as well as you do, that automatically makes you unique, special and very unusual in a lot of ways and even fellow leaders of maybe other organizations or other whatevers that even they maybe can’t fully understand what it’s like to be a leader of what you lead. There we go. Okay, nice job. Okay.

Now we’re, you’re allowing more and more of that uniqueness and individuality into your, your sense of who and what you are. Okay. So now there’s still a space In that energy field, there’s still just you. But the different storyline puts a different light on the sense of space in there with you and your you and you as the role, then it’s not Oh my God, there’s no one else here. It’s like, well, of course, there’s no one else here. I have a very unique role in this world. So of course, it’s just going to be me. Right? Okay. See? but a very noticeable shift right there. Okay, so there’s a lot that’s up to you, right? In terms of what gets done, what doesn’t get done? Maybe strategy, vision, all of those things, what you can do next what you may want to stop doing all of those things. All right. Okay, I need a drink of water. All right. So okay, so that was step one, for the for the leader group that can feel isolated. So we’ve talked about two groups. That can feel isolated and lonely one is those that feel like they never fit in, in this reality. The second group are those that are leaders and the natural sense of loneliness that leaders can feel and let me see if there is a third group. Young people, young people who don’t feel like young people. Okay. Yeah and this may speak actually to the first two groups too an inner child sort of way.

Don’t worry, we’re not going to get we’re not going to get overly we don’t need to get unnecessarily weird here. Let’s just stay with me and see what we got. There are some of us that we still have these memories of being a younger person and feeling very, very, it’s sort of like the first group of I don’t know if I fit in here, but also like, I don’t even feel like the age that I supposedly am. So I’m talking about the people that you know, you were eight years old that either maybe you don’t remember being eight years old, or part of you never really felt like you were eight years old, you felt like something older and wiser and more put together than the eight year olds that you were surrounded by in school or whatever neighborhood playground stuff. Okay and that’s a different. It feels more like the leader kind of orientation in terms of Okay, no, I’m actually eight.

I know my actual birthday. I know, I’m technically 8 years old, but I seem to have a much more savvy mature perspective of everything, than my fellow eight year olds, and that can lead to a sense of loneliness. Because you don’t even fit in with your age peer group. At that point, you’re just trying to like, okay, like Barbie’s, and maybe you were able to, you know, entertain yourself and figure it out. But you made it to this point. So good job. But that sense of isolation and loneliness starts early on, because even the groups that you supposedly were supposed to be fitting in with you didn’t fit in with and if you’re anything because I was one of those kids, for sure. I just, I just couldn’t wait to become an adult and it was just like, you know, just kind of like daydreaming but obviously paying attention and taking care of whatever a kid needs to take care of in this world, which in this reality doesn’t ask much of kids in terms of like, and you and yet, if you’re like me, you felt extremely capable of so much more and yet, the world was asking so little of you, and it’s sort of like, okay, I just gotta pretend I have nothing to offer really, until the world can take me seriously, which apparently doesn’t happen until I’m 20 something, right.

That’s a long time to wait to be taken seriously and then for some of us, that’s once that sort of age sort of came. It’s like Oh, thank God, okay and then we may be still had to wait. I remember being I remember so well being like 28 years old in a strategy meeting at Hewlett Packard and with not top level executives, but level two level three executives, knowing I had an amazing idea, and I would share it and I’m not at the table I’m behind I’m at the peripheral seats in the conference room and they were having the discussion and then I would wait my turn to try to offer something and I remember sometimes it would surprise them like, Well, why is like wait a minute, like, who did that just come from? and how do you know that there was where nobody would say anything and then tip would happen multiple times I remember is my boss or my boss’s boss. But it was if I didn’t say anything.

It was so surreal. Everybody just kind of they saw me they saw my mouth moving and then one of the people actually at the table would within minutes, say almost exactly what I said and it would be like, Oh, that’s a great idea and they would start talking about it was so bizarre, so bizarre. It was just like, did that just happen? They just said what I said, Now, you know, thank goodness, I wasn’t somebody that was like I said that I was just kind of like, okay, I got it. That’s what’s more important than that I got credit for it because it wasn’t about that. I always cared about the company that I was working for and at that time, it was Hewlett Packard. But just really, really strange. So it sort of was reiterated or not iterated, but an unspoken acknowledgement for me at the time of you don’t have the position yet where your ideas carry the same weight or will even be consciously heard in the same way is the people that are at the table and that was early in my career at HP. It got better.

As I went on and developed more of a I want to say reputation in the company and things like that and anyway, it’s just really weird though at the beginning, it was just like, what the fudge just happened. That was weird. So some of you may have memories like that. I know what you’re saying. Yeah, exactly. It’s so weird and then all of a sudden you say things and then people hear you. It’s like, wait, now you can hear me. Okay, good. All right Oh my God. Anyway, anyway, so finally, we’re adults and hopefully you are heard and if you’re not, that’s a different conversation to have and I do recommend booking a private session so that we can work through why you feel unheard to help you be heard in this reality, and I have lots of strategies for that kind of stuff. Okay, so for that aspect of loneliness if it is age related I’m sorry, but the best strategy is patience. I know, I know. It’s like so not what you want to hear if you were in that, like 27 years old and younger group is like no, I don’t want to have to wait till I’m 30 I’m sorry. So sorry. But you can do it. There’s so many of us that have just sort of, you know, blended in with the other people that were supposedly our age and just kind of made it work and you get older and then it does get easier because this world takes 30 somethings and above maybe 28 years olds in something and above more seriously, I know it’s not fair. I know you had something relevant and amazing to offer it eight years old and nine year old you and all those things, but this reality as it currently is just values human experience more than natural wisdom and intuition and a sense of just knowing this.

Yeah, this world doesn’t know what to do with that. Sorry. I’m Sorry, it just doesn’t. So I mean, there’s a lot of strategies from what I understand Thomas Jefferson would write amazing letters, even in his early 20s and he would write them to is that Adams or were they the ones that always fought. Anyway, Jefferson would write letters and even in his early 20s, and possibly even my guess is somebody has some letters from Thomas Jefferson in his teens. Yes, that Thomas Jefferson the constitution guy. Yeah, him. That he took his ideas seriously enough, and he wrote letters, and he sent them people and then said, please, you may want to save these please save these. They may mean something to someone someday. See, that’s somebody.

Yeah, there we go. That’s somebody that took himself seriously even when the world didn’t know to take him seriously yet. What a wonderful way to go through life, that even if the world isn’t taking you seriously, even if your parents aren’t taking you seriously, your age peers aren’t taking a seriously, your teachers aren’t taking you seriously. Whatever, that you take yourself seriously, and that you use that time maybe to do something productive. Maybe it is I mean, what do you envision yourself doing as an adult? What do you as it is, supposedly we’re talking to younger people in the section. What do you envision as like, Oh, I would love it. If by you know, 28 years old, I’m doing this and just allow a vision or a thought or an idea to come to you. What can you do today that the world doesn’t know to ask of you where you can get busy. Right? Do you want to write? |Do you want to be speaking publicly? about I don’t know what, right? I mean, there’s so much information out there that you could start sharpening your skills now. I mean, why wait, literally, the world is asking so Olivia, you probably have so much free time. Why not use it more wisely than most kids your age later on where when you are the 27 or 28 year old in the room and you come across as so confident, maybe they’re actually able to hear you, even though you don’t have a seat at the table, right? Yeah, so I get it, I’m giving you a big hug. I’m sorry, it’s this way.

The world is different now than it was for me. You know, I was born in 1970. So your ability to take yourself seriously, and I don’t know. I mean, you can write a book, you could do audio books, you could start a podcast, the world, according to me have your name, right and just start sharing your apparently original ideas and maybe they’re even more original and relevant than you’re giving yourself credit and then you can start to kind of test how are you being received in this world? and what do you want to hone and sort of figure out based on the response that you’re getting or not getting? or, even better, because sometimes the little bit noisy out there, there’s a lot of podcasts already and there’s a lot of things going on. So if you get ignored, that doesn’t mean that you’re doing it wrong. It may just mean that it’s noisy out there. So one approach is, how are you being received? and then the other approach of fine tuning is how does it feel to you? So when you listen to yourself, if you’re doing a podcast or if you read your own writings, how do you like it? Yeah, so then you can sharpen yourself, sharpen your own skills, even without the feedback of an audience, which some people are amazing, and they never develop an audience, right? Yeah, isn’t that weird? Yeah, popularity contests are very strange in this reality, and who has the most viewers and you know, it’s crazy. It’s crazy out there. I get it.

I know too. Alright, but take yourself seriously now even when the world isn’t taking you seriously is probably a great approach while you are young and waiting for the world to at least see you as something of value because like I said that just don’t do that. on that note, I recognized. I can’t remember I think my daughters are now 17. She was born in 2002 and my younger daughter is 14. She was born in 2005 and I think it was my older daughter, actually, I think was my younger daughter. She was about three or four and somebody said, What do you want to do when you grow up? and it was, it was in the normal kind of tone and it for some reason, the way for the first time when I heard that, it was like that is such a jacked up question. Because it’s also I know, it’s not meant maliciously I’m not saying it is. It’s not meant with that will. But what it’s saying to every kid on some level of themselves is you’re nothing yet and what you will be is your job. Screwed up on two counts, right?

You’re not anything yet until you have a job or until you choose your profession and number two, your value is based on your profession versus also more generally who and what you are in this world, which is more than your profession. It’s how you share yourself. It’s what you are, it’s how it’s how you show yourself in your everyday life, not just in your profession or with your friends or family or strangers. Yeah, so it’s all messed up. Right? So I stopped asking kids what do you want to be when you grow up? and I choose to interact with younger humans. I don’t change my voice. I try to talk exactly like I’m talking to you.

I look them in the eye and but with welcoming I don’t want to be intimidating. But I just look at them like, like ice with a sense of I see you I think you’re something special because I believe everybody is some is something special? My God, we’re all one of a kind how freaking amazing is that? we are so individual and so unique, and that automatically to me makes us special and I had one person say to me, Well, we can’t all be special then like, Well, why can’t we all be special? Who, who came up with that idea? Right? I’ll say that because we’re all unique and individualized, we’re actually all special and that excitement about what makes you special. Right? What makes you unique and different? What are what are the things that you do so well without even trying? That’s, I mean, that’s so awesome to me, that some people are natural singers and some people are natural problem solvers and some people are natural listeners and some people are natural counselors. There’s just so many ways that we can be naturally wired in such a cool way that other people have to learn or take classes on, right? I mean, God, that’s some people are naturally confident. I think that’s so cool. You know, the eight year olds walking around like, yeah, I know. I know. I’m good and it’s not false confidence. It’s, I got this. I got this being me thing down.

I love kids like that. I love kids like that. I love adults like that whenever I see them like yes. Okay, very good. One less story about, right, that’s good. It’s the insecure ones that kind of freak me out because they don’t What I see when I see someone that’s insecure, is they don’t trust themselves, right and those of you in that second group, the leader group, you know, I just feel it’s a sickness, nauseous in the pit of my stomach as we consider that group because as leaders, it’s like, oh, yeah, that’s because of those guys make me nervous. Because if somebody doesn’t trust themselves, and you’re a leader, and you’re like, well, I you don’t trust you, when How can I trust you if you don’t trust you? Right? That’s a scary, right? So those of us that are leaders and we tend to be maybe natural leaders, natural initiators, and we nationally you know, are willing to share ideas, we tend to have self confidence. So when we are interacting with somebody that does not have self confidence, it’s sort of like I, sorry, my point was, we tend to resonate more strongly and have more trust and place, more promotion opportunities, etc. with other people that we sense they also have confidence in themselves, at least close to the confidence that we have in ourselves. Yeah. Isn’t that interesting? Yeah and then for some of us that maybe are we have a natural tendency to help others and we want to help everyone. Move ahead, and I definitely have that in me. I’m a natural helper. I tend to want to help those with insecurities. Like deep insecurities, but I also recognize there’s only so much I can do.

Because there’s what I call fragmentation in there, that there’s just some sort of storyline in there of unworthiness or I don’t know, I deserve good things, or no, no, I can’t do it. I was told that I can’t do that I can’t do things or I’m bad at this and some of that is upbringing, right? Some of that is nature, or excuse me, nurture and some of its nature. I do believe that there are just some with a natural tendency of Oh shit, don’t trust me. I don’t trust me like they are constantly shirking responsibilities. They wanted to minimize their visibility sometimes in this world, and they want to minimize what other people are asking of them, because they don’t think they got it. They don’t have it. They feel like I don’t, I don’t got this. So don’t ask anything else of me. I’m just going to try and stay out of everybody else’s way. Because you guys some of you look like you got it. I don’t want to get in your new way. Because you might have it Okay, you might have it together. Yeah, that’s a group. Okay. Yeah, let’s talk. Let’s talk to that group shall we. Okay, the group of you that may feel that may totally resonate with what I just described there. First, I’m giving you a big hug. God, I just love you so much. I wish you knew how special you are. That’s what I wish more than anything. Because that, to me is the biggest thing that’s missing is that you don’t know you’re special. Or if you know it, you don’t believe it. You hear it You may hear compliments all day long, maybe even as a consistent set of compliments and still, you don’t believe it. You have a really, really good blocker in there like a tackler. That’s like no, no, we are not receiving compliments today or any other day for that matter. So thank you for the compliment. I know you don’t believe it. So we’re just going to block that and we’re going to stay in our insecurity zone But let’s just kind of loosen. Let’s take that tackler off the front line there for a second and just it just sort of, What if, What if even 80% of the compliments that you’ve received not just as an adult, but in your life What if they were actually sincere? What if they’re true? What if the nice things that people say about you? What if they’re actually real? What if those are facts? Not that can be proven The kind of fact that is true whether you can prove it or not. Yeah.

What if you just pretended for a while that those compliments were true? What if you just gave yourself a little room little space within yourself that that those compliments are true that you are actually special, that you are actually good at it, at least a couple things that you could come up with. and say okay, I’m insecure. I don’t have confidence but a couple things at least that I know I’m actually good at are start small, maybe it’s that you’re super polite. I don’t know. Maybe it’s that you are an amazing skeptic. Right? That’s a gift. That’s that is a natural gift. skepticism is a gift. Thank God for the skeptics in this world, and thank God for the nice people. Right? It’s all good. Okay, so just some natural tendencies, things that you are good at without even trying and if you can’t think of those, let’s flip it because if you’re really hard on yourself, it’s what insecure people are What is something that you really really dislike In another person, okay. My husband is naturally humble. It is one of his most beautiful qualities and as a self confident person, it’s also frustrating because he will not take a compliment, right? Super, very successful. But he doesn’t like compliments and he doesn’t probably think he’s special, anyway, it doesn’t matter.

But my point is that my husband has a huge problem with arrogance and there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. He knows that I’m confident and he, does he know this. Yeah, he knows that I’m not arrogant, arrogant is I’m amazing and you’re not confidence is I’m good at what I do. I know my limitations and that doesn’t mean I’m better than you, but I’m good at some things that you may not be good at. Okay. There’s no need to disparage anyone else when it comes to confidence. Okay. So the reason my husband really really hates arrogance in anyone, I mean, I can just see him go. Right. We used to watch The Voice together and he can’t stand Adam Levine. He likes Maroon five and I think he appreciates Adam Levine as an artist and but he just he’s like, he’s arrogant, right? The reason that Jeff hates arrogance is because he loves humility. He really appreciates people that do a super freakin good job and don’t need or want any credit for it. They’re just good. There’s like, I just did my job. Why are you thanking me for doing my job? That’s what I do. That’s what everyone should be doing. That’s my husband. It’s so awesome. It’s so great. Anyway, and it’s a very likable quality, right? So if you come up if you can’t come up with a list of what you’re naturally good at, come up with a list of what you really dislike in other people and then you’ll probably get a call and say, Oh, I get it and just like my hubby. I don’t like arrogance in other people because I prefer humility. I value humility, because you are probably humble. There you go. Right. See, okay, it’s not that hard. So with it’s easy then to come up with a list of things that you’re naturally good at good at being it doesn’t have to be like an action humility is not something you necessarily do or offer the world is just a trait of who and what you are that can be admirable and lovely. Valuable. Yeah. Relevant. Worthy. Okay. All right. Okay. So once you get to once you get in a groove, then just keep going, that’d be a great list to have that you came up with.

Because it’s, it’s easy for somebody like me that sees the best in other people. That’s one of the thing I’m really good at. I can come up with a long list of things that you’re naturally great at, but it’s my list about you and if you have natural insecurities, that list will have very little value too, because you will find all the ways that oh, well, she’s just being nice. You’ll find other ways to block it, right? But if you come up with your own list, it’s probably going to be harder to block it and if you have very well groomed habits of discounting yourself, possibly to avoid responsibility Which is just responding to your abilities. In this reality that list may freak you out because it It may be like oh fudge if that list is true, and I’m actually naturally good at those things, then I may have to show up better than I have been showing up for myself in this world. I agree. I agree. insecure people tend to under represent themselves in this world. That is so sad to me. It is, because we’re missing out on your best you because you keep hiding it. You keep going. No, no, I don’t want to do in anyone’s way right. Oh my God. I didn’t see I’m an idealist. I love to imagine the world with people like you like engaged, at least confident enough to stick yourself out there a little bit more and contribute more and offer more. Believe in yourself a little bit more to share more of yourself and to not keep under estimating you and my sense is, and I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it with my clients even they’re like, Oh my God, I never thought I could do this. I always underestimate myself and like, Oh my God, Jill, like this is working.

I actually made enough space for myself to put myself out there and I’m, I’m actually better at this than I thought. Now, will it increase your confidence? God, I hope so. But even if it doesn’t increase your confidence, and you always have the insecurity, at least you’re not holding back so much in your life, in your life, right? think of all the untapped and under represented underutilized resources like you if you’re one of those insecure ones that are in this world. Oh my God. Imagine what this world can be. Imagine what the human race can be. With more of you turned like the volume up. Okay. Yeah. That’s so cool to think about. Yeah, I can’t, I can’t fix everybody. Right. But if you can hear me and you’re sort of like, okay, she might be right. Maybe this is worth it. Maybe, maybe I’ll feel less lonely. Okay, so now we got to loop all this background loneliness. Okay, so did we get four good groups? I’m guessing that’s the vast majority of the population that fits in with either 1 2 3 or 4 or some combo of them Probably not. Yeah, anyway. Okay. All right. So I feel like we got a good set of groups there and now what are the strategies? Okay, so for the group that feels like you never fit in here. You’re going to, you’re going to keep feeling lonely. The more that you keep this sad story going on about the fact in a victimized way that you don’t fit in here. Because I mean, yeah, so a flip of your story, which we already offered, could actually be the very best strategy in terms of step one, and then step two is that you Yeah, let me go deeper on this one. Hang on. Okay, so step two in this regard is, okay. Oh, this is gonna be a really blunt and may be painful to hear. Oh, sorry if that’s the case Its offered with love. Some of you have been using this sad story of how you don’t fit in here as a super good excuse. That’s the same as the fourth group. You’ve been using your fact that you don’t fit in here to withdraw, maybe from society from your own life. You keep saying No this world doesn’t get me you don’t understand. I can’t, I can’t. I can’t try that Jill. This world ignores me they ignored me my whole life. Well, you’re an adult now. Right? and maybe maybe now with all the years of maturity you’ve gained that maybe you’ve got gray hair and even and this world tends to look more seriously at somebody with gray hair. Especially that has the spark of life in them. It could be that the now’s your chance, right? that maybe even more so than you felt before. But the thing is, you won’t know until you try and I would say the bigger risk is not doing anything. I think the real risk is you not trying out and experimenting in the creation of a version of you that yes, doesn’t fit in but hey, is here anyway. So why not see what you can put together? Right, for yourself in your life Right, but I would definitely minimize your contact with other people that you’ve maybe been commiserating with and the pity party session of Yeah, well, our group doesn’t fit in here. How are you not fitting in lately? You know, Marjorie, I mean, there’s just, it’s weird how groups that feel excluded and isolated, can hover together almost like in support groups, and I don’t feel like that’s the way forward. I feel like it’s a way to just the status quo. It keeps reiterating why you’re not sort of out there in the world in another way, which may be the I mean, how would you want your life to be, right? Just like we said with the kids. Okay, you are the adult so so now it’s not what do you imagine at 30 years old? What do you imagine next year? What version of you? Do you wish you could be? that you’ve been telling yourself the world was not ready for or I don’t fit in here? So I can’t be that. Well, what if those aren’t even true? What if that’s not true? What if you try it anyway? Right. I would have never thought that you that you’d be listening to me today, or hearing me today or watching me today or however you’re experiencing this.

So I didn’t plan all this was just like, Hey, I think I got something to share. I’m just gonna throw it out there and see what happens. Okay, so you won’t know until you try and I really feel like you will feel less lonely by you experiencing yourself in a way that you like better. That doesn’t want an excuse for why things haven’t gone the way you’ve wanted them to so far. Because people that are happier with their lives, not only do they not look for excuses for when things aren’t going the way they want, they don’t want excuses even if they have them. I’m definitely like that. Okay, so this is why it’s fun for me to offer you a strategy because I have techniques that I use, right. But I totally get it I feel you, sister, brother, right. But I also recognize that loneliness can be a really sad, depressing even way to go through life and by you giving yourself more room that that your current you isn’t all that you are, that there’s a whole bunch of things that you could be doing could be sharing with the world could be being in this world that that you have full authorship over and it’s so it’s not about how you received it’s the, the emphasis should be on how it feels coming out of you how you feel, you know, talking and seeing and being from behind your eyes, in your reality and that could be major. I mean, even as you go to the store, if it’s the part of you, I don’t fit in, so therefore no one will look at me. No one will recognize me except that one nice person that I hope she’s working today. She always says hi to me, but no one else does. I’m invisible to them. Well, wear like a frickin neon color or just change something so subtle, that it’s impossible to ignore you. right? I don’t know.

But just do something maybe silly. Maybe you have a great sense of humor and you want to wear like a jesters hat at the supermarket that day, and just have a funny smile on your face like, Hello. You know, people are like nice hat. See, they notice you notice do that’s that’s what we’re starting from right? To being ignored to being noticed and maybe it’s notice for something silly, but I think it will actually help you turn the inner lights back on that you’re still alive, right? You’re still here, you’re still in this world and okay, you don’t fit in. Maybe you came here to not fit in, right? and then you’ve used that possibly as an excuse to withdraw from society. Right? I actually now have taken that as like a badge of honor that I don’t fit in, like, oh, I don’t fit in. I do things my way and I don’t wait for permission and, you know, I’m kind of flexible with social rules about what’s allowed and what isn’t allowed and what’s socially acceptable and what isn’t socially acceptable. I love playing in that zone. Because if I didn’t come here to fit in, then I also didn’t come here to play by the same social rules and constructs that other people do that’s freedom. Right? Now I have the self confidence, right? So that goes with it and you may not, then we’re going to talk to that part of you in a second. Okay? Anyway, just start somewhere, turn the lights back on inside yourself and get out there and start to come out of the cave, right? and start to what’s the opposite of withdraw? provide, I mean, be out there, that I’m not talking to you don’t start a business or anything. Just make yourself more out there more come out of your house, right? Yeah, And and get away.

Maybe make yourself space away from the people that keep you in the cave or keep wanting you to be in the cave because they want you a very out of their way. Who knows what’s going on in their twisted little minds. Okay. All right. So that’s a good starting point and then if you want a session for me or other people that I recommend regularly, which I’m going to make that easier on my site to recommend sessions with people that I recommend Soon, stay tuned. Anyway, but if you need personal help with that, then please get it right You are so worth it you are special and I would love to, for you to get the specific attention that you deserve. You deserve. Okay to come out of your shell, maybe finally at any age, Okay, very good. Okay. All right. Number two, the leadership group isolation. Yeah, I just I feel like there is such an independent structure to leaders that your level of feeling lonely is different and it could be that being with fellow leaders across any industry or in any regard, can just feel really satisfying because it’s like, okay, these guys aren’t expecting anything. They don’t need me. They’re not leaning on me because leaders tend to be leaned on right.

There’s a lot of people clamoring for your time and attention and your remedies and solutions to almost anything. So give yourself a break from that. with somebody that’s whole and complete and maybe a fellow leader that can everybody standing in their own lane, and they got it, they all got it. Right. That can be very refreshing, and can help you feel less lonely because you’re finally at least in some parts of your life among fellow leaders, where it’s like, okay, we can just talk, right? Yeah. Okay, that’s good. Nice. All right. Let me see if there’s anything else there for leaders. making more time for yourself. Yeah, leaders tend to have very little free time. Oh, I shouldn’t maybe not tinge but a lot of leaders tend to their day gets filled up by the things that they’re leading and the needs of other people and maybe there’s less time for you so I don’t know if it’s an hour massage once a week or making time for something that you love.

Maybe it’s a hobby, maybe it’s a new hobby or a new skill that you will was always wanted to do. That came out really funny have always wanted to do that you finally are like a Okay, I’m just gonna do it. You can, obviously, still manage all your other responsibilities, but you’re carving out more time for yourself, it may even make you more efficient in the leadership roles that you have. Because you’re using your time more effectively and you may be happier as a result because you’re showing yourself the attention in things that matter to you. Not just related to your leadership roles. Yeah? Okay, good. Alrighty, the third group the younger humans Strategies for feeling lonely. Yeah, that’s true. Just because you’re younger doesn’t mean that you need to involve yourself in entertainment and things that are just for your ages. I mean, I remember I had a client once who had a, I think he was about 12 or 13 and he was this very, you know, it’s often said old soul, I don’t like that term because to me, the true soul doesn’t have an age. so it’s ageless souls are young and then get old that that notion is outdated in my view because it’s putting the concept of a soul within time and space where there’s chronology and age and that to me is a really, really unfortunate mistake that a lot of people make. Okay? So your soul is infinite and omnipresent.

So it with somebody that would be called an old soul. It’s not because their soul is old. You’re wise, you’re naturally wise because of the way that you are wired in this reality as you and other people didn’t wire themselves that way. That’s why they’re not called old souls. Okay. All right. So, here’s a lot of wisdom. and be like, wait, she’s saying, maybe I am. Okay. Anyway, okay. So this, whatever, you know, passions or interests are the type of knowingness that you have you may want to hang out with other people? Or, you know, I don’t know sign up for a seminar or something that maybe maybe most 8, 10 or 18 or 21 year olds are doing in that space, but maybe you feel comfortable in that space based on the way that you know yourself that is beyond your age.

Okay. Yeah, and hopefully you have a parent that respects you and sees you in this sort of like inner wisdom old soul whatever kind of way and you’ll be like, Mom, can you take me to the whatever conference? It’s a two hour drive. I really want to go and your mom or dad or maybe an auntie, uncle, I don’t know somebody cool that you like that. That gets you that doesn’t talk down to you that that’s the person you’re looking for. Right? and that they can take you to the conference, the seminar or whatever and then you mean you’re going to feel weird because you probably are the only kid there. But so what, so what? and there’s a whole bunch of online information that where you don’t need to actually go. Anyway sorry, the client that had a 10,12 also term applied to him I saw definitely with her son and I recommended that he listened to TED Talks. Ted Talks at the time I recommended it it was got it was probably 2015 I think they were a lot better then that’s judgy of me and I’ll own it. I’m just I’m not interested anymore about that. Anyway, they were they I’m not saying there’s not good ones I have some clients and friends that have done amazing ones.

But anyway, just you know, what you like in this world, seek that out no matter what age you are, and it’ll help you feel like yes, like, okay, that part of me feels honored. Because I interacted with something that was beyond my human age, that at a consciousness level, Wisdom level or rationality that I really deeply admire and appreciate and know that I have access to even though I’m only X years old. Okay? Yeah. Yeah, but you are, you’re human age too and that doesn’t have to be a problem, you guys. Okay, so yeah, it’s okay. You’re gonna make it. You’re gonna make it. Make yourself tidy and comfy as much as possible while while you age to get to where you want to be and then hopefully you’ll be 30 and just go Oh, thank God I made it.

Okay, good. All right. Alrighty, um, let’s see. Okay, so that’s for that group that feels good and we kind of snuck it in there, but I’ll add it again. It feels really good to be around people that do acknowledge you interact with you. I want to say treat you in a way that you feel them, respecting you and honoring you, etc and it would be good. So sort of maximize your time with them and maybe even thank them. It could be really cool. If you’re wordy thoughtful kind of person like this to acknowledge, you know, you’re the one person in my life that I’ve never felt like I was only my age with you and I just want to say thank you. It allows me to know myself and experience myself in a very just free sort of liberated way that I’m that yes, I am late but I don’t feel late and I just wanted to thank you for that. I don’t even know if you know you’re doing it, but thank you. Oh, man. Yeah, I yeah, that’s really cool. I’m glad I have kids because I, I have the opportunity to interact with these young people and I’ve have had the chance to say to, to some of my daughter’s friends, you know, I just I feel like maybe you’re one of those person that I know you’re 13 but you don’t really feel 13 you feel a lot older than 13 and she just goes, she is just a beautiful person and she just goes, yes. I’m just like, I see you. I see you, you know and anyway, yeah, it’s really cool. Anyway, all right. Okay, so that was that their group and then the fourth group, the insecure group feel less lonely. Oh, beautiful people, because you guys feel lonely even when you’re surrounded by amazing people, right? Because the loneliness isn’t about numbers and friendships, there aren’t enough numbers and friendships to help an insecure person feel less lonely.

The real loneliness that you’re facing is that loneliness with yourself. Because you’ve got that blocker that tackler that keeps pushing real connection away. Right and I don’t know if that goes away, you guys. All right. So rather than asking it to go away, just bypass it, recognize you have this part of you. That’s just this freakin amazing offensive line that just keeps blocking and that you can create other versions of yourself that are like okay, but I want be happier. I want to feel more satisfied and more ownership for why I’m actually amazing. So I’m going to bypass that part of me and do it anyway. Right? I’m going to do it even if I don’t know if I can, right? you guys, that’s, I mean, part of me just wants to go, duh. I mean, all of us that have done things that maybe you admire, none of us knew we could do it until we did it. Right. See how twisted the blocker insecure distortion is. It’s so distorted that it actually thinks like, Well, sure they’re good at that. They’ve been doing it forever. Not the first time I did it.

I haven’t been doing it forever. Right? or whoever else you’re admiring right. Tom Brady had to throw his first football at some point. He had to throw he had to play in his first pro game at some point he played in his first college game at some point. He was quarterback in the quarterback position for the first time at some point, right? So I don’t care how old you are. I don’t care how long you’ve been blocking. Just know that whatever is in there that’s special about you, it doesn’t go away. It’s there whether you work on it or not. So when you start living those vibes that you are in that are super cool about you, like that list. Remember that list that we did, right? If you actually like, Okay, I’m going to allow this to come through today, like, fuck the blocker, I’m going to do it anyway. Right? Eventually, that blocker will take off the pads, and just be like, God, he’s doing it anyway. Or she’s doing it anyway. Like, why is this not working? My job is to block my best me from being in this world. Like, he’s not following the rules. She’s not following the rules and this is you talking about you see, it’s so weird, but so real.

So in your field, you’re facing isolation because of the blocking. So you can bypass the nature of you that’s blocking by doing things anyway. Are there risks? Of course, might you be embarrassed? Yes, might have feel shitty and might you be bad at it? Yeah. Especially the first time more than likely, right? That’s not a good reason to not do it and it’s certainly not a good reason to stop after your first try. If you love doing it anyway, even though you suck at it the first time, according to you, well, how much better can you get? and what about the second time? What about the third time? What about you just keep doing it and if you’re super analytical, you’ll probably get really good really fast, but you’ll always judge yourself. Right? Because another one of your super skills on that list maybe that you’re really hard on yourself, right? My older daughter is like that. She’s her She is her worst critic. So I listen to what she’s saying about herself and then I hear what her AP Calculus teacher is saying about her and I’m just like, okay, these two these two don’t match this professional that’s teaching mathematics at the local high school, which is a fantastic High School and she’s an AP calculus and he’s saying and I’m saying, I asked him at parent teacher conferences.

Olivia said that she’s not really good at problem, or she’s really she feels like she’s great at theory and she’s horrible at application. and he goes, he goes, I think she could do anything she wants and I was just like, really and he’s had her two years for math and I’m just like, so you think Olivia could do anything she wanted, even if apply, even if it’s like the Applied Sciences, versus just like, the theory of astrophysics, right, that kind of thing and he goes, Oh, yeah, of course. He said, she’s not bad at application. She’s just super good at theory and she’s also very good at application, but relatively I can see where she’s being hard on herself and she’s super hard on herself and I’m like, ding, ding, ding. I got it. Right. So I was able to go home and later on gently nudge her that Okay, now I get it. You’re super hard on yourself. So, so you’re not bad at sorting problem. you can’t not do them or you can’t like she would say explain because it doesn’t make sense. So her internal dialogue is super hard on herself and then inner critic like that will block possibly her whole life |now I’m their, working on it, right, helping her and I’m helping you I hope you’re letting me help you. Because you can block yourself from your amazingness all you want. But what if you just gave yourself a little bit of an opening to do it anyway and then listen to the feedback you’re getting. If you’re getting an A in a class that you think you suck at, I know you’re wrong. I know it. There’s evidence, right? So I have a harsh inner critic. Nothing like my daughters and maybe nothing like yours because criticism is not my forte and self criticism is not my is not my super strength. I’m probably a little overly generous actually. Because I’m much more willing just to just do it anyway, you know, doesn’t have to be perfect. I’ve created a version of Jill that is good enough, right? That I let myself do things that I’m not an expert at that I’m not a pro at that other people are far better But I do it anyway. So I’m not expecting it to be perfect when I do anything, but I never want to not try. Because I know I have something unique and special to offer.

There we go. Okay, so could you create a version of yourself that’s kind of like me in that way. I know you could, right? and it’s so freeing, but the critical part of you probably you’re not you’re not going to want to watch right? and I’ve heard other people do that too. I’ve heard actors that will never watch themselves in films. Part of it is because their job is done and they don’t they don’t need to see how it all came out because their acting role was such a minor part of the entire production that ends up on the screen, you know, so they’re just like, I’m good. I did my part paid well, hopefully and I’m out. I did my job and then some people can’t watch themselves. They’re just like, I will just I can’t enjoy it. I pick it apart. It’s not good. So these may be Oscar award winning individuals Emmy Award winning individuals, and they think they suck. Right. Thank God, they’re doing it anyway. See? Who knows how good you can be. Yeah, but you may never think you’re good enough and that should not be the reason to not do it anyway. I think and I think I’m right. Okay. All right, you guys. I love that. So we tackled loneliness in probably a pretty unique way. But I love that we got maybe to a deeper sub psyche sort of level. Is there a sub psyche? maybe there is now. I don’t know. Anyway, I hope we got to some deeper layers and I hope you got some value out of this. If you did like it, thank you for subscribing, liking and sharing and all those things. I do appreciate it.

I hope this was helpful. I love you so much and I think loneliness is a is a very unfortunate feeling that all of us have at some point in this reality and if you have sort of this perpetual loneliness, I hope that what we cover today helps you feel maybe a little less lonely, and maybe a more maybe like a more valuable member of the human race and of society and that you possibly are feeling less lonely, at least in your own sense and your own space, your own sense of self. Okay, I love you. We’ve got a lot more videos and podcasts or however you’re listening this to share with you so if you like this, please feel free to click on maybe the next one that’s recommended that shows up okay, you may find something even more valuable on that one. Okay. I love you. Thank you. Bye for now.