Which Voice Wins?

I launched a weekly radio program focusing on spirituality and personal ascension on January 18, 2011.  I tend to be pretty courageous about new adventures, allowing in more excitement energy than fear.

The show’s format was created through my Highest Self and guides and other advisors from the highest realms.  It is a format I’d never come across, feeling very new and fresh.  I understood their ideas and the beautiful opportunity the format provides for meaningful, soulful conversation and growth in a way that suits my energy signature and soul blueprint.  I feel very divinely led with this part of my path.

Each show is archived.  I did not listen to the first show.  I can view reports on how many have listened to the show live and in archives and have been pleasantly surprised  at the number of total listeners.

I did listen to the second show.  And this is where my story begins.  In listening to myself for a ninety minute broadcast it was fascinating how my ego-ic “analyzer” mind seemed to grab the front row seat, virtual pen and paper in hand making notes of all the “areas for improvement”.  I could almost hear my ego-ic self point out all my, “ummmm’s” and pauses as well as some judgmental criticism of my display of emotion during the channeling at the end of the broadcast.  My ego-ic part carefully analyzed my performance, judging it relative to my favorite teacher’s and radio hosts who deliver such polished, smooth performances.  I acquired a very clear and wide distinction between me and them, thanks to this very analytical, very rational voice that is part of me as Jill.

After this critique, my inner child was ready to call it quits, canceling all further shows and feeling sentiments like, “I am just not ready for this.  I need to stop this nonsense and wait until I’m good and ready.  What was I thinking?  I only woke up a couple years ago!  I have no business with a radio show.”  Can’t you just feel her head collapsed on the table and her fists pounding?  Do you also know this voice, this energy?

Many of us know, very well, this voice.  This is the energetic force that stops us from living our dreams.  This is the voice that talks us out of taking the next step in be-ing who we came here to be.

I felt that energy for a good part of the morning that day of my listening/re-living the archived show.

Then I heard another part of my energy coming through, reminding me of the amazing feedback I received from the live audience, the listeners who called in for readings, the positive texts from friends who listened, the favorable e-mails and many new “followers” of the show.  I considered that feedback and contrasted these two perceptions I was receiving from within.  My ego-ic voice was ready to chime in with its own negative interpretations of the feedback, which you can only imagine.  But I quickly indicated to that ego-ic voice that it had its turn; I’d heard enough and was well aware of it’s stance on the situation.  I was off to my day with the whole issue put to the side, for now.

It was in the solitude of my drive home later that day that I heard my true voice; my Higher Self with the combined energies of my guides and advisors.  They were patient and loving and kind, as always.  Their messages were as clear as a beautiful blue ocean and as melodic as a symphony.  “You aren’t doing this show to be like the other teachers and radio hosts you enjoy.  You are not them.  You are doing this show because you know you have a unique perspective, a unique voice to share with those desiring insight on their ascension.  The be-ings you have reached and will reach are listening, feeling, and connecting with your unique vibration.  They are not evaluating how you are saying it, my sweet; they are too enthralled in what you are saying, what you are helping them re-member about their own magnificence, their own Divinity.  You know you are here to make a difference.  You know many of those you are encountering are also here to make a difference.  It takes many voices and many flavors of love and encouragement to help the masses choose to move.  You promised to be you and that is all that we ask.”

After hearing that perspective, I feel home again.  The home within my body, heart and soul that I chose to expand and make my own at the dawn of my personal ascension process.

My ego-ic part of me has a smaller room than it had prior to my awakening.  My inner child has her fantasy bedroom with full canopy bed and twinkly lights and a hug and a kiss whenever needed.  But my Higher Self was promoted to over-seer of my journey, given full authority of the homestead.  My Higher Self has been doing a fabulous job, creating and allowing more joy, more love and more enthusiasm for be-ing than I ever dreamed was possible.

I share this experience for two reasons:  perhaps it offers some insights into how one can hear, discern and harmonize the conflicting perspectives we have within our own energy fields, let alone when we invite in other’s perceptions.  Also, I share it as an example that no matter where we are in our ascension process, these clouds of doubt, these waves of fear arise, intending to keep us safe in our little boxes, not trying new things, not finding the courage to align with our soul’s purpose.  My real insights came by giving the Higher Self an opportunity to be heard.  In this instance I had to wait for the other perspective, knowing it would come, for me closer to the end of that day.

Discernment comes from hearing all the “players” within ourselves and then choosing which one feels the most in alignment with our highest good, the highest good (and also the most exciting and en-joy-able).  So many of us shut down the whole process once the ego-ic voice lays in with its negative judgment or the inner child slams its fist that the whole idea is pure nonsense.  My ego-ic voice would have pulled the plug on the whole show fifteen minutes into listening to it.  My inner child would have been right there as well, asking for milk and cookies or maybe ice cream to make the whole scary thing just go away from our memory bank.

Each voice within has the power you afford it.  Which one is serving your highest good?  Do you want to be safe or do you want to be you?

So I guess you know which voice I’ve given the most power to in this little dialogue within my own energetic field.  And you can find me on www.blogtalkradio.com/jill-renee each Tuesday at 12:00pm MST.